In just one month

...I turn 46. Don't know why that feels like a big deal. I guess because it so clearly puts me in that part of being in my forties that is closer to fifty than to forty.

I'm looking forward to it. I'm curious. And I'm feeling encouraged. I've been to the company doctor and for the second year in a row, my blood pressure has gone down (and my cholesterol up*), and they say that as we age, our blood pressure tends to increase. Not that I ever followed the crowd, but it is an interesting development. I think part of it is no longer having the stress of taking care of Grandma's apartment and finances, and part of it is the change in attitude I had to make a year ago. I do feel better, in general.

I'm also rather enthusiastic about my ashtanga yoga class and how it feels for me. My body, aging and stiff, nevertheless does its best and causes me no pain (surprisingly), which tells me that this kind of yoga is just good for me.

I can't imagine being 50, of aging, of putting so many years between my present and my youth. But that's because inside, I haven't aged. Grandma, when pushing 90, said she still felt 17 inside. We all do. That's the agelessness of our souls, the core of ourselves that is with us all our lives.

I'm getting philosophical. (Like I'm not usually philosophical. Hah.) I always enjoy my birthday. This time, I want to have a body that matches how I feel inside. And perhaps I will, thanks to the yoga. But yoga's primary purpose is not health, but acceptance. Accepting yourself, and not struggling through life. With the yoga poses, I feel like I'm being reintroduced to my body, and making a new friend.

*) Low cholesterol may be unhealthy. My cholesterol has been measured at ranges from 3.9 to 4.4. This year, it's 4.6.