A Roll in the Universe

A miracle is an authentic switch from fear to love. When we speak from the ego, we will call up the ego in others. When we speak from Holy Spirit, we will call up their love. In 1967, my whole family fell apart. Mommy, Daddy, baby sister and I all ended up at separate addresses. I spent the next eight years living with my maternal grandparents—seven of those years in Norway. I saw my mother every two years during this, and my father and sister not at all. No wonder my parents’ divorce left me in such turmoil. It wasn't the end of just a marriage; it was the end of an entire family. The harm done was lessened with the love from my maternal grandparents. The problem with not growing up under the same roof as your parent(s) is that you end up not knowing them. Nor they you. For over 40 years, my mother and I struggled with having the label mother and daughter, but not the relationship. In metaphysical circles, we are told we get the parents we deserve because we planned it th...

Ten years ago I got to see the Manhattan skyline for myself. This photo was taken with not so good camera 10 years ago this month. Two months later, the two characteristic towers of the World Trade Center were gone. I bring this up now because, right now, as I type, rescue workers are still searching through the office buildings belonging to the Norwegian parliament, looking for more explosives, as well as injured or killed. The main theory is that a car bomb went off around 3:30 pm today in downtown Oslo and blasted out windows in a 1 kilometer radius. The pictures of twisted metal window frames many floors up on a run-of-the-mill office building coupled with the knowledge that this is taking place in quiet, out-of-the-way Oslo is both unbelievable and upsetting. I hate that this is happening here. I hate that this is happening again. Bizarrely, someone dressed as police are shooting at a summer camp for Labor party youth while the bomb search goes on. A talking head on the news...

It's been one of those days. One of those days where everything insisted on arriving at once and being done at once. Partly because one co-worker has gone on vacation and I seem to be his second-in-command (gee, nobody told me ). My boss did realize that I had a lot on my plate and told me to delegate to my other co-worker. So I did. And it was a good thing. I spent the better part of the afternoon chasing down someone who could help me with an unexpected problem. But I did say during my job interview last week (nothing heard back yet, by the way) that I love solving problems. So here was mine: Somehow, the ordering system for business cards for our Danish co-workers was no longer working. Or rather, it still was, but now a number of people were simply e-mailing my department's group e-mail with messages like "I want to order business cards" or the order itself. Not an acceptable situation, especially when I go on vacation and have to leave business cards to someone...

I wrote myself a letter on New Year's Eve, as part of a ritual I have. Here is the letter, with the most personal details removed:   This year I am spending New Year's away from home with friends. Though I would have liked to, I have looked forward to being alone, at home, and to revisit my earlier ritual of looking back on the year that has passed and making affirmations for the year to come. I feel hopeful and content right now. Some boys are outside shooting some fireworks (under-aged and without adult supervision, but I find myself worried for their safety rather than annoyed at the irresponsibility of the situation; and no, I don't feel called upon to tell on them or ask them to stop). Some subtle, yet momentous things happened in 2007: The summer vacation I spent with my mother , the following autumn of restlessness and generally blah feeling, and some incredible constipation, which started on the cruise ship, let up for a bit, then came back full force. And I ...

Paula, who prefers purple and who inspired me to do this blogtest, needs orange . Very well. What do I need? You Need Some Red in Your Life Red will make you feel energetic, passionate, and determined. And with a little red, you will project an aura of warmth. If you want to feel intensely, you've got to get some red in your life! For extra punch: Combine red with orange or pink The downside of red: Red can provoke anger or rage. Watch out! The consequences of more red in your life: You will feel more enthusiasm for life You will have the confidence to go after what you want You will have a lot more physical energy What Color Do You Need? How about that. Three days running I've been wearing something bright red, and I deliberately chose to. I hunted for red things to wear. And I have been feeling better these last couple of days in spite of not getting a full night's sleep for a couple of nights (darned perimenopause). Now, let's find some pink and orange...

After a rather sucky two weeks, with my mood absolutely out of control (probably hormones, but I won't go into details), it helps to be reminded of where to put one's focus. Noticing the magic in everyday things helps. A great tit perched on my open window sill, eyeing my room with curiosity. Venus brilliantly greeting me in the morning (while weather permits). A reminder that great people have failed, and failed spectacularly, and that the point is not to avoid failure, but to never let failure stop you . And the following reminder that regular things are actually pretty awesome - you just have to have the right perspective:

This is supposed to be another slacker report, but I'm not really slacking. It's just that I'm not blogging. So what am I doing that's not blogging? Here's a list: Mulling this "tag" from another blogger over in my mind, looking for some way to respond, because I think it's worth responding to. Downloading podcasts from this site (via iTunes ) to try to make sense of some anger I've been venting lately, as well as learn about buddhism. Helping a friend in frequent e-mails sort out her break-up with a boyfriend of 7 years, as well as discussing buddhism, spirit guides, and some childhood/emotional stuff, which also concerns my own development. And which brought up some of the above mentioned anger. The spirit guide discussion has brought back one spirit guide I used to have as well as my current one, and my frustration/anger seems to be the moment before change. It's time to move on, move forwards and I can feel I must. I just hadn't...

Sravana writes about an aura test , which includes a bit about so-called Indigo children. I took the test, not really expecting it to be more than entertaining, but the last questions about "red overlay" made me cry. After answering about likes and dislikes of various kinds, came a reminder about how an abusive or neglectful childhood can sidetrack a person. Which made me think about recent events. The physical therapist currently loosening my knots had a monologue about his past dabbling in New Age, about working out childhood issues, and his decision to just say, "those aren't deciding the rest of my life!", and about how people have stuff buried in them - and in their bodies - that if they dealt with would leave them happier and healthier. I tried to respond to all this, that I had been working on these issues my entire adult life, and was pretty self-aware, but he just wasn't listening, so I gave up. When I went back a week later, he asked me if I had...

Lately I've been getting what I consider an odd comment, but when I think about it, I think it's just how some men compliment a woman: A couple of men have expressed surprise at my unmarried status because I am a fine woman and ought to make someone a good wife. The physical therapist I saw Monday asked me why a fine woman like me wasn't married. I had a stock answer (wanted to figure out how to make myself happy, rather than expect a man to do so) but later wondered why I even had to answer that question. I asked it of myself, and it occurred to me that there was an assumption that being married must be a desirable goal or state for everyone. I got this assumption a second time at a company picnic last night, when I was again asked why a fine woman like me wasn't married. Why didn't I have a man? My expression led my questioner (whom I was dancing with at the time) to start sputtering and add, "Or a woman, uh, if, er, well..." So why am I not marri...

Midnight. Wind and rain slash at my coat, lifting it, getting my skirt wet. It's a thin skirt, with glitter on it, and underneath I'm wearing only panty hose. Although the weather is almost freezing, I'm not. I'm warm because I've been drinking. The evening started with a glass of bubbly around 7 pm, worked its way through an appetizer and "pause dish" with plenty of white wine, a delicious main course with red wine, and a dessert platter with port (I left before the cake and café avec ). In between courses, the 30 people around the table sang various songs to drink to, and the company song, as well as listening to a few speeches - and a belly-dancer. The occassion? A co-worker's 25th anniversary at our company. My co-worker was an equal mix of genuine gratitude and genuine embarrassment at the attention and gifts bestowed on him. Not a bad word was said about him. I listened to stories about him, poems written or read in his honor, and couldn'...

September has been a month where things came to a head for me. I don't function well when I'm tired. Ever since childhood, I've always gotten cranky when tired. After a weekend of little sleep, I got cranky at work last Monday, and the person I was cranky with (a regular co-worker) took it so badly, that my bosses were told. So I had a meeting with my boss and his boss last Tuesday. Two very nice men, but I found it scary. I was afraid of losing my job. I had a day off the day after. A day to reflect and rest up. But I found that I was so upset, I couldn't face going to work. This year hasn't been much better than 2004. I tried to distract myself in March with my trip to California, but too much new and different plus the loss of my cat meant I didn't get my batteries recharged like I needed. I was looking forward to a peaceful summer vacation where I could completely suit myself, only to have it spent attending Grandma's funeral and to her affairs. ...