Subtle mourning
I have discovered that when my mind is scattered, I can't focus on things like writing something sensible in my blog. For what it's worth, I can't focus on things like answering friends in e-mail properly, either, when my mind is like that.
I feel like I'm being pulled in umpteen directions emotionally and it's been like that since before Christmas. The main reason is Grandma. Still, yet.
I didn't realize until this month why.
I didn't realize that I had gone into mourning.
It's not the same as actually losing someone in death, and attending a funeral and realizing the finality of it all and just getting used to the idea.
Mourning the loss of someone when that someone is still around, living and breathing, is not so obvious. That's why it took me by surprise and still does. But the usual reactions of grief are there: The shock, the disbelief, the anger, the pain of loss.
It's a new process for me and I realize that I just