Crystal

Sravana writes about an aura test, which includes a bit about so-called Indigo children. I took the test, not really expecting it to be more than entertaining, but the last questions about "red overlay" made me cry. After answering about likes and dislikes of various kinds, came a reminder about how an abusive or neglectful childhood can sidetrack a person.

Which made me think about recent events. The physical therapist currently loosening my knots had a monologue about his past dabbling in New Age, about working out childhood issues, and his decision to just say, "those aren't deciding the rest of my life!", and about how people have stuff buried in them - and in their bodies - that if they dealt with would leave them happier and healthier. I tried to respond to all this, that I had been working on these issues my entire adult life, and was pretty self-aware, but he just wasn't listening, so I gave up. When I went back a week later, he asked me if I had thought about the stuff he'd talked about and I answered, rather annoyed, "All the time, since I was 18." He said he just wanted to know if something new had surfaced since my last massage. "No, nothing," I lied.

Becaue I had, during the weekend, encountered another man who managed to keep me a captive audience and, with the claim of "friendly conversation", gave me a monologue and heard not one word I had to say.

Of course this makes me wonder about what vibes I'm sending out, or whether or not I'm not being clear enough to other people. I am so used to being told I talk a lot (too much, say some), that when I am silent and doing all the listening, I figure I'm finally doing something right, something polite and considerate. I didn't see that I was being run over and disrespected as their listener, partly because both men were making (wrong) assumptions about me.

Well, it all ended up with a cold and a sinus infection ("someone annoys you") which has kept me from attending a confirmation today. I am, however, feeling better, and I think extra doses of vitamin C, going off my diet, and trying to rinse through my nose has helped. The body knows.

So, what does this have to do with aura tests and the title? My aura is crystal. That was the one that got the highest score, closely followed by violet and indigo sharing 2nd place. I am a rare bird, apparantly. The definition of crystal (chameleon) I see as echoing my Gemini Moon very well. I do tend to behave according to the occassion, and I can be either lady or tramp, depending. I do not see this as hiding my true self, because my core self never changes, nor do I adopt to others in order to make them like me. But I can see where I can be too adoptive to the situation.

New challenge: How to speak up when the other person isn't listening. How to be crystal clear.