It sucks to be me

No, it doesn't, really. But right now it does. Rather, some parts of my life suck.

Every year, my employer throws a big Christmas ball. Attendance is voluntary and with a "deductible". With the exception of one year, our ball is held at the same hotel every year. I've been employed by the same company for over 21 years, and have attended the ball at least 10 times. It's a tradition and I love the elegant ladies and stylish gentlemen. Also, we are a dancing bunch. The folks from my firm love to boogie. A good band is more important than good food.

My body isn't what it used to be; I've lost my waistline completely. Now I'm going to try some a yoga programme to try to lose weight. (In case you're wondering, the positions are: Warrior, Candle, Bow, Plough, Fish, Pulling in the stomach, Pump and Twist.) Anyway, this meant shopping for new clothes for Christmas, and I found a long, satiny black skirt that fit well and which I wore with a black long-sleeved velvet top to the ball. I didn't feel as sexy as I used to, but I was elegant and felt comfortable.

So what sucked?

Well, struggling to try to get as elegant as I could left me in a less than favorable mood before going to the ball. I yelled at my cat and that bothered me. Then sitting at the dinner table, with a boring first course, then a main course with dry meat but a good sauce, then my least favorite type of dessert (ice cream) didn't help. As food goes, it was good. As dinners at a fine hotel for a Christmas ball goes, it was disappointingly plain. And why isn't white wine served chilled any more? Did I miss something?

I was restless during dinner. My dinner companions were sweet and interesting and I didn't lack for conversation, but the rest of it, with a choir singing and the CEO's speech, etc., just felt like an unwelcome interruption to me. I just wanted to finish my meal and start dancing.

Ah, yes, the dancing. As with last year, I was abandoned by the gentleman I was seated with, and found myself not the first on the dance floor. I usually am. As with last year, I had no patience, no one to go talk to while waiting to be asked up, and didn't spot anyone to ask for a dance. I felt invisible.

Since I prefer to actually be alone rather than feeling alone in a crowd, I left, and was home a little after midnight.

It was a relief to be home early, but that wasn't the point of going to the party!

I don't understand why this happens, if it's astrological or just times a-changing. One theory I have is based on my observations in how co-workers interact at the company parties now. In recent years, they have become far more cliqueish, hanging very closely together with people they work with daily, showing little interest in mingling with others.

At any rate, the Christmas ball will no longer be one of my traditions. I'll have to find somewhere else to be elegant.