Shutting a door
Yesterday I had a meeting with the lawyer that wil be handling Grandma's estate. He was very pleasant man and our relatively short meeting went well. The main thing was for me to hand over the keys to Grandma's apartment.
He asked me if I was sure. I said I was, that I was prepared to do this. So when we left, he locked Grandma's door.
I'm not going back.
I will never be able to go back.
It hurts more than I realized it would. I got home, and thought about it, and started to bawl out loud. It's OK to hurt, though. It's part of the grieving process, it's a necessary "milestone". At some point I would have had to give up the key, the access to Grandma's home, so it may as well be now.
The door is shut and all that has been for so many years is shut with it.
Comments
I'd never realized that there would come a time to just lock a door that you've gone through so many times before, for the last time.
How sad.
I remember bawling out loud when I got the urn of my beloved first poodle's ashes. The finality of it all.
My heart goes out to you, Keera
The answer came, as I'm sure you've discovered. I didn't have to go to a place. They found me. In the years since, I've discovered so many triggers -- smells, especially -- that remind me of them, and make me feel close. I am comforted like a little girl, still, by what my grandparents were for me, and will be forever and always.
Alice
{{hug}} I know you don't have to be told to give yourself time and to be patient...
What else is going on in your life these days? You've lost your cat and your grandmother in a short span of time. Is anything starting to shift, expand or be added, to fill in those spaces in your life?
--Alice
I can relate to the feeling you had about losing the connection - and the gold cross. I inherited a cookie jar shaped like a rabbit on a cabbage head, and the rabbit broke off. I was nearly devastated; it seemed so ominous.
Reading your experience is helpful and cheering. Thank you, Alice.
And no, nothing's shifting yet. That's all right. I need to get past the grief first.
It would appear that the objects give us something to cling to and then the loss of them comes at the time when we're realizing that objects are unnecessary.
Losing your cat, grandmother, and possibly your interest in charts could be opening you up to something big. Only time will tell. In the meantime, I hope your weekend's journey has been a good one.
--Alice