It's worrisome, having an elderly and sick relative. I'm my grandmother's only relative here in Norway, and I speak the language (she never learned to), so the nurses talk to me. And I have to be the sensible one.
Wednesday evening, a nurse called from the hospital, wanting to talk to me about Grandma's condition. By now, Grandma's been in and out of the hospital and the nursing home enough for both her and I to know what's what. It's not all great. I also didn't like discussing my grandmother's condition without her present. Not an issue like placing her in a nursing home. So I asked if I couldn't talk to someone at the hospital during my visit the following evening (yesterday). Reluctantly, the woman agreed.
So, while waiting for the bus yesterday, my mind was racing, trying to figure out what decision exactly I should make on my grandmother's behalf. She wants to stay in her own home, however infirm she gets. ("Infirm", what a great word; firmness in bones, memory, mind and will is just melting away from my grandmother. Spirit's still solid, though.) I wished I had someone to talk to. So I started to talk to my spirit guide, Katherine. I seem to treat her like an irritating kid sister, a reminder of some more attitude adjustments I need to make. But I digress.
Katherine reminded me that it wasn't really up to me to make any decision. That I actually didn't know my own grandmother's true medical condition (I doubt anyone does). So it's not up to me to contribute in that manner; I don't know my grandma as a patient. My expertise is in knowing Grandma as a person, knowing her psyche.
This little talk with my spirit guide calmed me down. As I got off the bus at the hospital, I affirmed that all discussions and decisions would be for the best of all concerned.
Grandma looked a lot better than she had two days earlier, when I visited her last. She was happy to get a newspaper and her reading glasses. I told her about a discussion on alt.astrology, involving the surprising insights one can get superimposing someone's art onto their birth chart. I mentioned Picasso, as one example. Then I decided that I'd better tell the nurses I was there, so we could have that talk. As I left Grandma's room, I saw a reproduction of two Picasso drawings hanging on the wall.
The nurse that came to speak with me, was about a head taller than me (I'm 163 cm tall), and younger than me, and a very pleasant woman, easy to talk to. It turned out that the home nurses themselves had said they didn't feel they could give Grandma proper care at home. There is the matter of getting Grandma to eat enough, and the home nurses just don't have the time to sit and help her eat. And Grandma now needs round the clock help since she can no longer stand and walk on her own.
So the decision to be made was where to next after Grandma is discharged from the hospital. The nurse handed me the application form for a bed in a nursing home. She explained that filling out the application now is just to get the paperwork moving and that Grandma can refuse to go at any time.
Well, the nurse had convinced me that Grandma needed extra help. Now to convince Grandma, which really wasn't what I wanted to do. I wanted her to convince herself.
I went back to Grandma's room. I explained what the nurse had said. Grandma protested against going to the nursing home. She wanted to go home! I filled out the form, requesting a short-term stay at the nursing home, including a paragraph describing Grandma's condition and what the nurse had told me, closing with, "her strongest desire is to remain in her own home." I then asked her to read it through, and tell me what she thought. The application wasn't valid until Grandma signed it. She read it through, set it aside and again said she didn't want to go to any nursing home. She wanted to know what I thought. I answered honestly that I understood the medical reasons and they were good, but I also knew that Grandma really wanted to be at home. I urged her to read it again and think about what I'd written.
Then I focused my mind on an affirmation or prayer or whatever this little sentence I kept repeating to myself is: I ask that the Universe guide Grandma to make the right decision for herself. I kept saying it, focusing on Grandma's IV-bottle and how it was hooked up and looked like, anything to keep my mind from dwelling on my preferred answer in the matter. No matter what, it was best that Grandma herself make the decision.
She finally finished reading, and said she'd go to the nursing home. I thanked the Universe for helping out. She asked if I was happy with that decision and I said I was, that it was what I thought was best, too. She signed the application.
I loitered in the hospital lobby since I had about 20 minutes until my bus. I read September's issue of "Creative Mind Magazine", published by Religious Science International (the organization I belonged to 20+ years ago, when I lived in California). This month's letter from the president included this passage:
Calling upon the Presence [of God] really means becoming aware of God as a present Reality, immediately available to us, because God is immediately available in us. Calling upoing God does not mean we are somehow going to cause God to pay attention to us, whereas before we were being ignored. It means we become aware of an inner God that has never left us, even for a fraction of a second.
Why would we call God to our awareness? To remember who we are. To remember that whether we are aware of it or not, God is the Source of our very existence; It is the Power we use to meet the demands of everyday living."
Boy, did this hit home! Right down to that very last sentence, the part about the demands of everyday living. Wasn't that what I had just done, using only a few sentences? In talking to my spirit guide, in praying/affirming on my way to visit and while Grandma was thinking? And didn't it all turn out better than I imagined? Didn't these demands of everyday living all go smoothly? Yes and yes!
I told myself last night that I must remember to call on God in regards to a lot of other stuff in my life right now that I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by. After all, calling does work. I know this and I've always claimed that that is the one thing I do know: That my prayers are answered.
I wanted to share this with you. I want you to see that this can be done. I would love to see others discover this immediately available power we all have inside of us. If you happen to be someone looking for answers, for some way to cope (better) with life, then learning about affirmations and the power of the Universal Mind that is a part of each and all of us, may help you as much as it has helped me.