May 14, 2003

Another frustrating day at the café. Nothing to do, not feeling "at home" or appreciated. A customer came in and wanted to a reading. The woman on duty at the café kept telling her all the psychics were booked and none were "in today". Drily I said, "Except the astrologer." That woke her up and she remembered why I was there. (!) So I got one paying customer, a very nice woman, though I wasn't happy with myself after the reading. I felt rusty again. And that makes me wonder and think.

I feel frustrated at the café. I was shocked to see how little effort they make at marketing their own "psychic café". My friend Hope, who reads the Tarot there, told me she suggested all the "marketing" they "do" for her there (sign in the window, a binder with information about the Tarot and Hope). She also told me that she thought the new locale they want to move into would be much more suited to us who give readings, and that the café owners were very positive. I was encouraged by this. I told her I was toughing it out for the rest of this month (have one more Saturday in May) but wasn't sure about June. She told me I could quit any time. I had that freedom. Then I could come back after the summer vacation when the café had settled into its new digs.

In the meantime, I've been wondering – again – about this choice I've made and whether or not astrology – being an astrologer – is what I want/should be doing. I've been affirming "Divine Right Action in my life right now" and getting messages from the Universe to reconnect to my spiritual source (in plain English, pray to God). So yesterday I had lunch with Hope and towards the end she asked me to be in her Tarot class. Three nights of three hours each this week. She had only three students and didn't want to cancel, so she wanted a fourth so there would be more feedback. And I could get pointers from her in case I want to teach astrology. (That's a scary thought. Not a foreign thought, but definitely scary. Butterflies and the world's biggest roller-coaster, all at once. For now.) I told her I had considered taking her class but couldn't afford it. "This is free," she told me. She just wanted me there.

I wonder at why this gift now. Eventually, it will all be revealed, I'm sure. In the meantime, I really enjoyed myself at our first class last night and am looking forward to our next classes tonight and tomorrow. That's a Venus thing – pure enjoyment. How does Venus enter into this? Here:

Astrologically, the offer for the class came as the Moon was applying to a conjunction of my Midheaven (the point that has to with vocation, goals in life) and the Sun (sustainance) was exactly trine my natal Midheaven ruler (my Venus). Transitting Venus herself is applying to a trine to my Ascendant (presentation of Self – it's a good week). Venus is a sweet gal, often bestowing pleasantness in many forms upon us. Mercury, the planet of communication, intellect and students, is still retrograde (going the wrong way). It is currently in Taurus as is the Sun, and my Midheaven and the Moon are in Libra. All of these are therefore ruled by Venus. Mercury retrograde also means redoing something. And I kept saying to my friend Hope that now maybe, finally, I'll learn to read the Tarot, after trying so many times.

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