Sep 21, 2007

Rain and days off

The wind just picked up and the rain is pouring down. I am going to have a long weekend. I'm taking Monday and Tuesday off from work. No particular reason except that I've been wanting to just Get Away From It All for a while. So sitting here, with the weekend's shopping all done, I feel at peace with the rain lashing at my windows, making it hard to see out them. I want to spend time alone, catching up on some things (like housework), and try to get myself back on track.

The oven is heating for a pizza and the weather and darkening sky on this vernal equinox is encouraging me to light some candles. I think I'll choose pink and green. Bliss and harmony.

My crappy mood is finally letting go. I suspect hormones as the main culprit, but it could be the month. Tomorrow, the 22nd, is Grandma's birthday, and she would have been 97. September has sucked since she died. She died in July 2005, but it isn't July that's hard. It's funny; I had this same thing when my close friend Maria died. I'd get sick during her birthday month (March) even though she died in May. I think it's the loss of the special day. Birthdays are only for the living.

Great. Now I've made myself cry.

OK, that passed quickly. Whew! I really do not like being constantly revisited by this hole in my heart, but it is getting easier. It doesn't visit as often and it doesn't stab as deeply.

Oh, wow, is that rain just hammering down outside! Perfect weather for staying indoors, curled up in the sofa, with no plans for the evening, and a long weekend stretching out ahead. Lovely!

And in case you are a bit worried about me (how sweet of you!), I do have something that has been brightening my days: A new Norwegian TV channel that offers "Star Trek: The Next Generation" every weekday. YAY!

4 comments:

M said...

My crappy mood is finally letting go. I suspect hormones as the main culprit, but it could be the month. Tomorrow, the 22nd, is Grandma's birthday, and she would have been 97. September has sucked since she died. She died in July 2005, but it isn't July that's hard. It's funny; I had this same thing when my close friend Maria died. I'd get sick during her birthday month (March) even though she died in May. I think it's the loss of the special day. Birthdays are only for the living.

I know how that is. I do not care for the days around Sept. 11th anymore. (No, not 911.) My crappy mood continues, at a low level.

Great. Now I've made myself cry.

Ah'm sorry!

OK, that passed quickly. Whew! I really do not like being constantly revisited by this hole in my heart, but it is getting easier.

You'd think. More like numb these days.

It doesn't visit as often and it doesn't stab as deeply.

Yes, not so much twist.

max
['Back to the old style.']

alice said...

I love days when the rain is "lashing at my windows" and I can stay home, nesting, with something warming in the oven and the whole day stretched out before me. Not even the weepy moments bother me on those days (and I have plenty of those, with so much recent loss), because they've just become part of the routine.

I hope your days off are restorative. {{hug}}

Sravana said...

Wow, Max is back! :D

I got all gradjeated this weekend, and slept a hell of a lot. I'm finally back home, putting the pieces back together. I missed the final partay with my classmates because I was just to exhausted to drive another hour there and back last night... and I woke up this morning regretting that I didn't do so. BUT, I did have a bangup time with the old folks, watching old BBC sitcoms on NPR. Lots of laughing.

I'm sorry for the hole in your heart, hon. I think life is like that, until one leaves a hole in another's heart. My solution tonight: Bourbon and coke, and the new Richard Tarnas book "Cosmos and Psyche". And early to bed.

Keera Ann Fox said...

To all: Thanks. I'm feeling much better. I feel like myself again, rather than being feeling beside myself. And it'll be a very short work week! Yay!