Midnight. Wind and rain slash at my coat, lifting it, getting my skirt wet. It's a thin skirt, with glitter on it, and underneath I'm wearing only panty hose. Although the weather is almost freezing, I'm not. I'm warm because I've been drinking.
The evening started with a glass of bubbly around 7 pm, worked its way through an appetizer and "pause dish" with plenty of white wine, a delicious main course with red wine, and a dessert platter with port (I left before the cake and café avec). In between courses, the 30 people around the table sang various songs to drink to, and the company song, as well as listening to a few speeches - and a belly-dancer.
The occassion? A co-worker's 25th anniversary at our company. My co-worker was an equal mix of genuine gratitude and genuine embarrassment at the attention and gifts bestowed on him. Not a bad word was said about him. I listened to stories about him, poems written or read in his honor, and couldn't help but wonder what my own 25th anniversary celebration would be like.
I found myself wondering if it would even be a celebration.
My reputation at work is one of a short-tempered person and although I'm much calmer and happier now, the people I used to work with when I first started at this company have not been around me to see the change. So if I were to invite former co-workers or bosses, what would they say about me? And could I bear to hear it if it were about my temper?
Thing is, I don't think I could. I've always been a bit sensitive about it, partly because it was used against me when I was a kid. I'm not mean, I'm not unreasonable, and abuse can bring out the worst in a kid. So being easily annoyed is not really who I am; it's just what I expressed for so many years.
I have about a year to think about this stuff. Assuming I'm still at this company... (HA! I always say that. Look who's still here.)