Mar 16, 2006

Some stuff that could be separate posts but aren't

I just viewed a "promo video" of Mars. I have absolutely no desire to go to Mars. It looks mind-numbingly boring. It looks like the Moon, but I'd go to the Moon. That's because the Moon offers a wonderful view of planet Earth. I'd like to see that for myself. I'd also like to go to one of Jupiter's moons and see a wonderful view of planet Jupiter. Or Saturn's moons and see Saturn and its rings and stuff. Way more interesting than Mars. Yeah, I'm an astronomical snob (is there such a thing?).

Back on planet Earth, I visited our local aquarium again, this time with a guide. And this time, in front of the herring exhibit, with tons of fish all moving in the same direction, over and over and over and over, I didn't feel claustrophobic. I felt peace. Something about watching all that gorgeous silver moving from left to right at a steady pace that calmed me. I even discovered individuals: Some herring with one eye missing, one had disfigured tail, another was so pregnant she could hardly move, and there was a herring defying all scientific claims that all school fish must swim tail to head for not to do so would cause confusion. This one boldy swam against the school, head to head, and did so for several rounds and no-one got confused.

I finished (finally) reading the book "Creating Miracles" by Carolyn Miller. It was a far more spiritual, inspiring and practical book than I expected. In one of the last chapters Miller suggests a way of contacting one's higher self for guidance. I settled myself in, breathed deeply and calmly, and the visualization for my higher self presented itself as a straight, dark blue candle with a brilliant, completely white flame. Nice. I then tried to ask this manifestation a question about next day's shrink session. And promptly fell asleep. Some answer.

I saw the shrink again yesterday. A baffling session. We struggled to keep the conversation going. I also felt frustrated because, having just read "Creating Miracles", my mind was full of desire to experience peace, to stop being aggressive and irritable and just go with the flow. My shrink kept suggesting that it is important to stick up for yourself. I really felt like we were on - well, Mars and the Moon. I did get one little break-through, i.e. further understanding of myself, and I have tried later to communicate with my fear, who presented herself to me as me at age 5 or 6. I'm not done exploring that. I'm also not done with this shrink. I have another session next Thursday and will see how that goes. Oddly, the strained session went fast, time-wise. And I managed to totally enjoy the latte with a dash of chocolate I had afterwards. But I think I need a priest or something, not a shrink. I'm wondering about buddhism.

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