Jun 17, 2003

(Another one of those 3 week absences. I think it may be a pattern.)

In one sense, I have a bit to blog about, but I'm not happy with Blogger's handling of archives and I really want to change the layout on my website but just haven't settled on anything yet, so nothing's happening and I'm a bit uninspired, but here it is:

I've had a week of ups and downs. Mostly downs. Didn't do me any good to see my aging grandmother not get out of bed, nor to read on Usenet about the death of another poster's cat. A friend has told me that a lot of people she's talked to have felt stymied this past week. Maybe something to do with Saturn entering Cancer on June 4 and applying to a trine to Uranus now in Pisces. Don't know why, unless it's the fact that Saturn is now in a sign at odds with its own expression. Touchy, feely vs. logical, practical. Uranus in Pisces is also at odds in the same way: Intellectual, sudden vs. emotional, dreamy.

I partied hearty Friday night and came to the conclusion Saturday that I should give up drinking. Nobody said anything to me about my behavior, neither then nor later (when we were all sobered up again), but I still felt embarrassed. Same feeling last year. Maybe it's a Cancer thing. Jupiter was in Cancer last year and I kept waking up the morning after, feeling like I'd made a fool of myself. I'm a Sagittarian! We don't know the meaning of the word "embarrassment". So this is all very unlike me. But since the feeling of having stepped over some invisible line resurfaced again this past weekend, I've decided that it must simply be time to no longer indulge in drunkenness.

There are other itches demanding scratching these days, too, so it may be the/my "Zeitgeist". I want to start wearing nicer clothes to work and get away from the perpetual jeans-and-T-shirt. Slacks and a blouse or something. That's all. Haven't quite found the motivation for that, but the desire is stronger than before. Another "itch" is to forgive "everyone" and release a lot of hurt and anger from the past. You know how you get an idea and then you start seeing it everywhere? It's like that with the forgiving thing: I see comments on Usenet, in a magazine, from other people, and it's all saying, "It's time. Give up your ghosts and pet peeves."

Funny. When I look back on what I've written here, about drinking, and dressing, and forgiving, it looks like I'm trying to – grow up.